Where the goats refuse to roam

Goats and free range Greeks

The kind of land you end up living in determines your perspective and who and what you are. We are connected to the environment. Mountains do something else entirely to a character and mountain people are different to the flat-landers. Greece is a sea and sun destination for the tourist, yet venture a little from the

shore and you will invariably head up and up. It is a crumpled land of mountains and only 20% of it is not considered mountainous if you want a statistical confirmation of how unlike Belgium it is. Almost anywhere here inland is where the mountains are and that is the rocky heart of the place...

This last weekend I ran a mountain race on the stunning Greek island of Hydra.  It lies just off the Peloponnese with steep grey flanks subsiding into the sea and only a handful of coves or bays to land a boat in. As a result only a small part of the island is populated...the rest is scrub and rock and goats. The only approach to the island is by boat. Its rocky prominence is Mount Eros. Bobbing towards the little port town of Hydra I wondered why it was called Mount Eros. It is an attractive name and it certainly was from afar and I looked forward to the race that would take in its summit. Perhaps the name stuck because of sailors who spent too long at sea and so predictably viewed any landmass containing a bulge, or any protuberance for that matter, to have some lusty association. 

Approaching Hydra

Mountains shape peoples, sometimes confine them and sometimes protecting them. The Scots, the Basques, or the Swiss are a few of many independent minded mountain dwellers. Hannibal is more commonly known for crossing the Alps with some very unfortunate elephants rather than marching all over Italy for a decade and a half like a rogue termite. His story is a far more interesting one than that, yet it is this primary school factoid that remains with you always. Despite his cunning and tactical nous, the mountains almost broke his army. Only a handful of shuffling elephants survived. It is not for nothing that when you think of mountain men the image that leaps to mind is one of wild eyes and wilder beards. 

Where the goats refuse to roam

Later the next morning, the race went very well and I quickly moved up the field as we rolled out of the paved streets and onto the trails. Until we hit the bony spine of Eros.

From afar, I remembered thinking that it's grey flanks looked mysterious and beautiful. Up close there was nothing lovely about it. It was like running up and over a large mound of shattered rock. In the heat of the day, the sun bounced back sending the temperatures soaring. Not even the goats ventured this far up. Given the choice of continuing further they would promptly opt to be spit and roasted right then and there and with a spring of rosemary for good measure. On the exposed and unrelenting grey rock Mount Eros showed me a rather unwanted kind of love and I vowed that I never go to prison. It was this part of the trail race where I began to realise why Greece is the way it is. It is because of its mountains. This is about as much of my race that you'll hear because race reports are often where paint goes to dry. 

There are few modern countries with links as ancient as Greece where the land of their forebears is still in their hands and its language is still spoken. Italy at the start of their reunification in 1861, only about 2.5% of people spoke what we recognise as Italian - almost lost. Those of the Levant are gone as are others that ringed the Mediterranean. Despite Greece being the cradle of western civilisation it has been more or less continually occupied since it's lofty heights. Romans, Goths, Huns, Slavs, Franks have all had a turn at the helm and later a rather lengthy stay by the Turks. It is only since 1830s that Greeks have been ruled by Greeks and then not even all of Greece as we now know it. 

The question that puzzled me was: why could no one hang on to the place? 

You'd want him on your side too. 

Greece's lengthy visitors are never able to stay indefinitely - they are eventually worn out. Despite its beauty or strategic value it just cannot be held. The only reason is, and I can say this with unequalled authority because I have lived amongst them, are its beguiling yet utterly confounding and irksome people. And the mountains have something to do with it. 

Never mind the Romans, lets start more recently with the Venetians. The Venetians held several islands and controlled swaths of the mainland. The coastal city of Nafplio is perhaps the best example of their lingering Italian charm and it boasts an exquisite square which makes this city one of the most attractive of Greek cities. 

Perhaps just a little too peaceful

Quite why this idea of spacious squares never caught on elsewhere in Greece is a mystery because if there ever was a people more predisposed to whittle away huge amounts of time over coffee it is the Greeks. The Italians, another coffee loving nation seem positively twitchy with their espressos taken quickly on the hoof. The Greek equivalent of the square can be any shape, purposefully chaotic and is usually accessible from any direction by car. It is usually strewn with cars and cafe chairs - this makes it highly attractive to the car and coffee loving Greeks and to almost no one else. The spacious and genteel air of an Italian square is just too far from one's car to ever make a Greek feel truly comfortable. 

That's more like it: cars, dogs, pigeons, noise.

Do you know what the time is, or the month is for that matter?

The absurd Greek relationship with time is well known. They pride themselves on inventing cold coffees like cold frappe's and iced cappuccinos. It is because I don't think any Greek has ever managed to drink an entire cup of coffee without it going cold. A Greek can nurse a coffee in the amount of time other people manage to put their children through primary school. The ancient Greek calendar used to revolve around the span of time between Olympic games and cups of coffee drunk. 

Aside from the beautification of the town, the Venetians also set about extensively renovating, extending and beautified the castle that sits above the town. They just can't help themselves. Strategically it was an important town, but a castle needs to look good you know what I am saying? Eventually the Italians grew weary of the Greeks trying to park their donkeys and horses haphazardly about the Square and when the Ottoman Empire came knocking they found an easy way out and without much fuss handed over the keys to the city and smirked all the way back to Venice where they could enjoy their squares in peace. 

It is because of the Greeks that the Venetians could not have nice things

Make yourself comfortable

The Ottomans stayed for much longer. They too have a fondness for coffee and chairs as well as velvety foot stools. A perfect combination and hence they made themselves comfortable for the next 400 years. But - who leaves a country after 400 years? That is the life span of 8 family members if they all lived on average of 60 years. Most family trees struggle to go back four generations. It is an even longer time period than the combined New World European histories of South Africa and Australia.  It is just short of the time from when the English first tried to colonise Ireland and well, that northern bit of the island will never be the way it was. Nor will that place be after those first pilgrims left Plymouth and landed at the other Plymouth. You would think that after such a protracted period, the yoke of occupation would be accepted and people would adapt to a new normal with altered customs, beliefs and language. But the Greeks on the other hand weathered them out and after four centuries and several cups of coffee decided to revolt.  


Every man is an island

Even after the initial success of the 1821 revolution, the Greeks turned on each other and two consecutive civil wars followed. They practically undid the progress of the revolution. A similar deadly sequence of events happened after they had fought against the Axis Forces in WWII. It is a difficult place to govern whether you are Greek or not. The new Greek Republic managed to last only four years before the first Greek Prime Minister was assassinated. Even if the people are indebted to your service it is not a guarantee that you will avoid a bullet or jail like one of the most influential of generals in the revolution against the Turks was. It is a land of heated passions and certainly not politically a land of moderates. It is jokingly said that there is the extreme right, the extreme left and then the extreme centre. The problem with running for several hours is that you have the time to think about these sorts of things.


Please sit down...

Aside from the obvious problems of extreme Greek politics and a different comprehension of time, another main reason for the downfall of their unwelcome visitors is that Greeks have stamina. They have oodles of it. Something Eros was teaching me was that I didn't. When Greeks attack a cafe or a restaurant the amount of time that they spend there would sometimes be misunderstood as an occupation in other countries. Any occasion to sit and eat or drink with a Greek requires huge amounts of stamina. Try and leave early and you are in trouble. Strangely it is not a problem how late you arrive. Aggressively hospitable is what the Greek comedienne Katerina Vrana calls her people. I have yet to last a full meal here successfully as after 4 hours I have to retire in exhaustion. I seem to lose all track of time and I get the distinct feeling that we have started another meal within the first meal because the food never stops coming. I have stopped eating with Greek people for fear of developing deep vein thrombosis. Brian Church, an English writer who after several years could no longer take the extended meals dryly penned that if there were any Greeks in attendance at the Last Supper, Easter would instead be celebrated in October.  


Be it on your balls

Greece's politicians spend a great deal of time smoking, debating, shouting and passing many laws. Most of these laws are considered and are then ignored (and that is just the Police). Advise any Greek on the street politely on the correct order of a queueing system or that parking in the disability bay is frowned upon,  at least in the legal sense, it will quickly escalate into a heated argument where you are informed that they will write your gripes on their balls. This is a genuine reply, often used yet unhelpfully not found in any language guide book.  

Learn it, it is one of language's great gems:  (Σε γραφω) στ' αρχιδια μου. 

I struggle to imagine how it came into popular parlance but it is nonetheless bluntly illustrative of the care your gripe is given. 


It's not me it's you

The point is, it is the telling that causes the problem, not whether you are right. Even if they know you are right you will still be shouted and wildly gesticulated at. Greeks make life difficult for Greeks too. And these are the people that have been voted in to run the country. Many outside of this country view Greeks as tax evaders. Whilst there are those that do enjoy that particular pastime, it is an unfair stereotype and it is really that Greeks hate visiting the tax office. And I for one heartily concur. The sheer unhelpfulness of the public servants or the maddening paperwork bonds a particular hatred of the State by most people. When trying to get out marriage certificate recognised in Greece, because we were not married in an Orthodox church were told to go and get letter from the Anglican Archbishop. I don't think he does that sort of thing, but that is the sort of thing you are told to write on your balls. 

The answer is up there...

British cartographers had long surveyed all the mounds on their island before industriously setting off to chart some actual mountains, the Himalayas. They established the height of Mount Everest in 1856. Greek cartographers addressed their blank contour free patches on the map as the 'unwritten areas' and set about ordering another round of coffees. It was only after a particularly lengthy evening meal that they finally got around to clearing up their own backyard. A national land registry only came into being in 2010. Time is like a volcano in Greece, there are long periods of inactivity then violent outbursts where everything should have been done yesterday, but then they realise that they had already done them 2000 years ago and then wonder what is for dessert. 


Be it in your head

These unwritten areas in some of the craggiest places in Northern Greece remained free throughout the Ottoman's 400 year rule. A fact immediately telling of its inhabitants and the environment. Once passing through a small village we stopped off to buy some of its famed smoked cheese. In the shop was an article proudly mentioning the museum exhibit of four stuffed heads - bandits that had been caught rustling livestock. This sort of custodial practice is now frowned upon, and even the truculent British Museum agreed to send some of their pried Maori heads home. It was a wild place and it still feels that way. 

Even in peaceable times, the police are routinely ambushed in Crete if they venture into areas that are high up and are engaged in something illicit or untaxable. The mountains are where the heart is and it neigh on impossible to dislodge it. It is why Greeks still speak Greek after having other people mind their business for nearly 2000 years. It is why the Welsh with their valleys speak English.

Greece's recent unwanted visitors are the Troika, the group who are from their perspective trying to help Greece out from its financial mess. They have been met with resistance all along the way. I can only wonder at what the Troika officials have found on their visits. The thing is they too have been worn out, the changes that they have made will never be lasting. The European officials for all their suggestions will just leave with them written somewhere private. 

For such a sociable people it is hard sometimes to work out whether a behaviour that is so antisocial such as smoking, reckless driving or just parking wherever one may choose to is seen as an unalienable liberty or a small act of defiance against being told what to do. And this is why Greece will always be free, or trapped or neither but it importantly it will always be Greek.

What yellow lines? Greeks invented the drive through, and even if the 

facility is unavailable they will still park as close as possible to the entrance

Want a taste?

If you want to do a race that encapsulates Greece, the Hydra Trail is the one to do it. The other thing to do is learn the phrase: (Σε γραφω) στ' αρχιδια μου. 

You start in the old port, running up through slate paved streets and white washed walls, through terraced hills, through forests and then finally climbing along it's ridges.. You will pass by abandoned farm houses, past working monasteries. All the while with the blue Aegean all around. From sea to sky, it is a race that starts at the water's edge and takes you up the mountain. Beauty and harshness. If you only had a few hours which which to experience a country, this is way you should spend them. Who knows, you might find something up there in you.